Parent & Child relationship

Here some Guidelines to always keep in mind:

• "Do as you would be done by". The child will not give your more consideration, politeness and cooperation than you give him. Good behaviour should be rewarded and bad behaviour not - sounds obvious but not that easy to do. e.g. buying a child sweets to stop whining in the supermarket will work but the message is "If you whine I will buy you sweets." Much better to buy the sweets on the day he doesn't whine.
• Be positive and when you can try and explain why you have asked them to do something. e.g. "you can't leave your bike there" may make a child think "yes i can - just watch me". But if you say "Put your bike against the wall so no-one will trip over it" you are much more likely to get agreement.
• When you are wrong admit it. A useful phrase may be "everyone makes mistakes". Don't try and wriggle out of situations. If you accuse a child of breaking a glass and you find out later he didn't do it, admit it and apologise.
• Try not to let your own moods affect your response to negative behaviour. Remember to always hold your temper (as it will only inflame the situation) by counting to ten or leaving the room for a moment or two.
• Give children age appropriate choices and let them be involved in some decision-making. This helps their confidence and prepares them for involvement in the outside world. For example, ask them 'will we go for a walk or a cycle today' or 'which DVD would you like to watch'.
• Encourage independence. For example if you know it is safe, let your child walk to school himself, encourage the child to help around the house with simple things like making the bed.
• If your method of dealing with a situation is not working, try another way of dealing with it.
• Take time out in an emotional situation. Deal with the issues when both of you are calm.
• Separate the behaviour from the person. Ensure the child knows he/she is loved and accepted: it is the behaviour that is unacceptable.
• Remember everybody is learning - the child and the parent - nobody can get everything perfect every time.

And what about Discipline?

Ensure your child knows what behaviour is acceptable and what is unacceptable. Make sure your child knows the consequences if they do not comply with the rules. You may withhold treats, not allow them to use the computer or watch television for a specific time. Every parent will have their own routine but it is important to be consistent and clear.

Discipline means Teaching Children How to Behave: Parents want their children to grow up capable of self discipline, of behaving considerately because they want to, not because they are afraid of the consequences. Forcing a child to behave as you wish, by punishing or threatening to punish him, is only effective as shock treatment or as an occasional sharp reminder. Fear will not help a child to learn how to behave well, it will merely after this behaviour temporarily.

How Behaviour is Learned: Behaviour is learned by reinforcement - positive or negative - reward positive behaviour with attention and reassurance.